Monday, April 14, 2003
Dear Family:
I have never been much for playing the political game. In almost every part of our lives we are faced with politics. In school we called it peer pressure and some were seemingly better at dealing with peer pressure than others. Parents play a really big role in the way children handle this pressure. If the parent is critical of their children then the children will have greater difficulty dealing with the pressure. Children have a tendency to believe what family members, especially fathers and mothers, say about them. If the parents praise and encourage their children then the children have a tendency to have a better self image. However, some parents have a tendency to expect their 2 year old to know what the parent knows, and even worse the parent expects the 10-16 year old to act like a 30 year old. Parents, for some crazy reason, feel that mistakes made by their children are reflections of themselves. There is some merit in these thoughts because it is the responsibility of the parent to teach the child; but, it is not the child's fault that the parent has these feelings.
The first and greatest lesson parents are to teach their children is love. How do you teach the 1-24 month old about love? We can scream at them. That will work. We can leave them in their cribs in their room alone that should work. Maybe picking them up and telling them "I love you" might work. Maybe cuddling, comforting, feeding, changing, keeping them warm will work. Maybe singing, reading, playing and just being close will work. Fortunately or unfortunately, we learn to parent form our parents by example. Too many times though, our parents were not too good at it.
Ardyce just knocked a box of clippies off the fax stand and immediately blamed me for putting it there. I'm guilty of putting it there but I didn't knock it off. So I said it was her fault because 2 days ago when the latch broke on the box I handed it to her and she should have known to put a rubber band around it and then I would have not brought it into the house but rather I would have left it in the truck. Do you think this story has gone on long enough? Yes, but it could continue. She could say, "if you had not been so clumsy, and had been paying attention to what you were doing then you would have not broken it in the first place." I could have said, "well, if you had been following me around picking up after me like you are supposed to do, it would have not gotten broken by my clumsiness." Can this story continue? Yes. Should it? No. Some things happen and sometimes it is just spilling the clippies and sometimes it is the milk and sometimes it is more severe but does it mean the person has a character flaw or some other deficiency that needs to be pointed out? No. It was an out burst of frustration from the stress of trying to get our taxes prepared. You see we vent our frustration, anger, anxiety, jealousy, fear, desire to be accepted, desire to be noticed, need for understanding, sympathy and other emotions in the form of criticism of others, especially to those from whom we want to receive comfort, understanding, love, etc.
Why is it so very hard for some of us to go to someone and say, "I'm not handling this day very well and I think a hug would help me?" "I'm not feeling very good about myself today, will you give me a compliment or some encouragement to make me feel better."
That is not the way we handle things, is it? We tend to complain, criticize and even hurt those around us when we think they should know we are hurting or need understanding or encouragement. We just don't communicate well because we are afraid they might reject us or think we are weak. We even go so far as criticizing others to try to bring them down to a level we feel is beneath us and that way we feel superior or better.
Somehow we tend to try to live up to an imaginary image we feel other people think we should be and hide our real self. We fear people well see the fictitious image we have of ourselves and not like us so we do everything in our power to divert attention away from our self image. What a devastating mistake we make. There are more than 200 million people in the U.S. and no two of us are exactly alike. So which one of us is the perfect correct specimen? Each one of us. We are each uniquely us. Some may be more literate, be more intellectual, have more talents, some may even be more disciplined than others but that doesn't make one a better person than the other. Just different.
Luke 10:30-42 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee. Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves? And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise. Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (KJV)
What is the lesson here? Compassion, character and priorities.
What are these qualities and where do they come from. How do we get them? Are we born with them?
Compassion – the ability to emotionally put one's self in someone else's place and feel things just as if you were them.
Character – Qualities of disciplined civil behavior.
Priorities – Recognition of what is most important.
Where do they come from? They are learned – Sometimes in the school of hard knocks and adversity. Sometimes they are learned in sickness, heartbreak and tragedy. Sometimes they are learned form the master teacher. "Love thy neighbor as thy self." "Do all things without murmuring and disputing". "Each esteem others better than them selves".
Politics are best left to the politician to gain popularity among his constituents or the lawyer to sway the opinion of the jury or the used car salesmen to control their customers. They are often too destructive to be used among family, loved ones and friends.
Try replacing "neighbor" and "others" with names of loved ones and friends and "all things" with difficult tasks or situations.
"Love thy neighbor as thy self.". "Do all things without murmuring and disputing". "Each esteem others better than themselves".
Love ya,
Dad
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